I have been impressed with Chelsea’s postpartum work for some time now. This period of time is so tender and fragile, beautiful and raw. And SO OVERLOOKED. It’s a critical time of transition where we should rest, heal and relish in the sweet and challenging moments of parenthood. Yet society has different expectations of us. Bullshit maternity leave, barely existent paternity leave, expectations to “get your body back” and demands to keep going and doing and being. Chelsea’s body of work and commitment to creating and supporting these families intrigued me from the first moment I saw it.

So needless to say, when she reached out to me to document HER postpartum period, I was incredibly honored. I knew how important it was for her have someone see and hold HER in this space. Well, as birth does, it had it’s own plans and her little Teddy decided to come earlier than expected. Everyone is healthy, but her little guy needs to stay in NICU for a bit of extra support. It’s important to remain flexible in this work - calendars are kind of a joke - so Chelsea suggested we just change our Fresh 48 Session to a Coming Home Session. A couple of nights later, I had been thinking about her so much that I reached out and asked if she would have time for us to squeeze in a short raw postpartum session to honor this time and space, her body and her heart within the first week after giving birth, BEFORE her little came home. While she was navigating the back and forth of home life with her older kids and husband and the commute to the hospital and the desires to be with her son.

Chelsea opened her home and her trust to me, allowing herself to be raw and honest in front of my camera. I would like to share these incredible images with you coupled with her equally powerful words.

Follow Chelsea here: Website / Instagram / Facebook

- 16 Hours Postpartum -

“I don’t want to do this.”

This phrase keeps playing through my head.

I don’t want to do this.

I don’t want to do this.

I don’t want to do this.

I will. Of course I will.

But I don’t want to leave my baby in the NICU. I don’t want to leave my 2 big girls at home. I don’t want to drive away from the hospital every night without my tiniest, most precious, sweet son with me. I don’t want to pump. I want my whole family together, snuggling in bed. Kissing Teddy’s head. Tickling his toes like his sisters were dying to do.

I know all the platitudes. I’ve done this NICU rodeo once before. I know it’ll be ok, and it’ll go fast and he’ll be home soon.

Despite all that, it doesn’t help. I don’t want to do this.

But I will. I’m their mom. Of course I will.

- 3 Days Postpartum -

Last night I was really feeling angry at my body.

I feel like she failed. Why did I go into labor so early? Why couldn’t my body just stay pregnant 4 more weeks? Even 2 more weeks? Why couldn’t it just work out the way I wanted it to so my son could come home with me, rather than living in the hospital without me?

I felt like me body was against me. Like she ruined my plans and landed my sweet baby boy in the NICU, hooked up to cords and tubes and wires and why couldn’t my body just be normal and be pregnant until Teddy was ready to thrive outside of me?

But then I stopped.

And I hugged my myself. I gave my arms a loving squeeze.

And I told my body with all the love inside me: “you did the best you could, huh? You kept him in as long as you could and then you birthed him perfectly. Now you’re healing perfectly, making milk perfectly, all perfectly imperfect.

And there’s not a reason sometimes. We all did our best. And that’s all I can ask of myself, and my body.

So thank you body. I’m proud of everything you did and are doing.

- 5 Days Postpartum -

I know with each birth a new mother is born, too. I’ve witnessed it with so many of the mothers I’ve gotten to document in the postpartum period.

But damn it hits different when it’s yourself. And honestly, I’m loving it this time, in this moment.

I’m feeling so deeply connected to my husband, to my family, my community, my new baby, and more than anything, to myself.

I feel so raw and tender and vulnerable, and I’m allowing myself to lean all the way into these huge feelings of grief, and exaltation, and love. I’m allowing myself to cry and release and document. I’m allowing myself to be seen and held. I’m allowing myself to just sit and stare at my new baby in the NICU for hours, and when I’m home to just be present with my big girls.

During my pregnancy, I was more scared than anything of the postpartum experience. I was terrified of how hard it could be. And it is hard. And I know there are more challenges ahead.

But its more beautiful than I could have ever imagined, too. How magical is that?

- 1 Week Postpartum -

Sometimes it dawns on me how strange it is that just a week ago I was pregnant.

And how a huge part of my pregnancy experience revolved around my anxiety that Teddy would be born early like Georgia was.

And how I spent so much time trying to calm myself down, and release my fears, and have confidence that he would stay in and I would go to term, and have the birth center birth of my dreams, and lay in bed with him for 2 weeks postpartum, and eat bone broth and drink tea.

And then he was born at 33 weeks and 4 days. The exact gestational age that Georgia was when she was born.

All the plans and hopes were instantly let go of. Every fear and worry I had came true.

But, his birth was still magical and transformative. He’s not snuggled up with me in my bed, but he’s snuggled up with me in the NICU.

I don’t wake up in the night and worry if I’ll go into preterm labor anymore. It happened.

I don’t have to wonder if I’ll make it to at least 37 weeks. I didn’t.

Anxiety is weird like that. I spent all this time worrying, and then it all just happened, with every fear right there for me to face.

And I thought I couldn’t do it. But I did. And I am. And we’re going to be ok.